1. I wish I had a dollar for every time I spent a dollar, because then, yahoo!, I'd have all my money back.
2. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
3. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
4. It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
5. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
6. One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.
7. I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
8. Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
9. The only real diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.
10. I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
i laughed my ass off while i was reading these.
2. To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other.
3. I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
4. It's probably not a good idea to be chewing on a toothpick if you're talking to the president, because what if he tells a funny joke and you laugh so hard you spit the toothpick out and it hits him in the face or something.
5. The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.
6. One day one of my little nephews came up to me and asked me if the equator was a real line that went around the Earth, or just an imaginary one. I had to laugh. Laugh and laugh. Because I didn't know, and I thought that maybe by laughing he would forget what he asked me.
7. I love children, especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.
8. Love is the answer, but while you're waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions.
9. The only real diet: If it tastes good ... spit it out.
10. I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.
i laughed my ass off while i was reading these.
i hope they made your day :)
